I'm looking for a girl out there with a substantial fortune. We're talking like, set for life here. Looks, personality, political and religious beliefs, et cetera---none of that matters to me. I want a girl who will make it so I don't have to waste my precious life rotting in an office, ground to a soulless pulp by the gears of capitalism.

What do I offer in return? I'm tall, good-looking, and in great shape. I'm also smart, caring, passionate, and dedicated. Like men with a certain personality? No problem, describe it to me and I'll happily affect your desired characteristics with my mad thespian skillz. Have kinky bedroom preferences? Never fear, I can accommodate. Whatever your dream husband/domestic partner is, that's what I'll become. All I ask is that you give me like, a couple days a week to pursue my own interests (generally Renaissance-man-type endeavors like art, literature, science, and sports [playing not watching]). Other than that, I'm whatever you want me to be :).

So if you're swimming in it like Scrooge McDuck, hit me up! I'll expect to see a bank statement right off the bat to establish your legitimacy.