AND NOT JUST ANY PENGUIN

I'M LOOKING FOR A BONAFIDE, BIG, BEAUTIFUL, BAAAADAAAASS PENGUIN!

MUST BE NO TALLER THAN 4' BUT I'M ASSUMING YOU AREN'T IF YOU'RE A PENGUIN (EMPEROR PENGUINS? THOSE SWEET SWEET LADIES/GENTS CAN GROW TO FOUR FEET TALL)

ARE YOU A PENGUIN? PLEASE MESSAGE ME AT YOUR EARLIEST CONVENIE--

NO WAIT YOU BETTER MESSAGE ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I NEED THE COMPANY OF A PENGUIN!!!! MUST BE ABLE TO SWIM AND HAVE A PURE LOVE FOR CONSUMING KRILL AND FISH

JACKASS PENGUINS NEED NOT APPLY--

YOUR PIC GETS MINE